Primarily because both my eardrums ruptured a few days back so uhm, I’ve been this unmanageable orgy of whining and nausea, a bit of self delusion and a lot of tissue sopping up the blood gushing out my ears –

BUT anyway-

SECONDARILY, I’ve lost sleep over the impossibilities of:

Thomas Dekker

If you don’t recognize him, it’s probably because you don’t TIME TRAVEL like all the cool kids are doing these days. And you can’t have gotten to know him too well or anything, ‘cus his mom keeps shuttling him around city to city in case the cyborgs get to him, so… it’s not your fault.

Wanna see cyborg almost-sex?
–> oops I can’t imbed the scene. here it is in all it’s cyborgy glory. (almost-pun).

Wasn’t that almost-hot?

I didn’t have anything to do in the last 25 minutes of my lunch hour, so I cyber stalked him. I cyber stalked the shit out of him. And the second I found out that he also sings (SHIRTLESS FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), I – actually, I think that’s when my eardrums ruptured. In the best sensory-deprivation teenage-angst way possible.

AND he’s singing fucking BRITNEY SPEARS in this contorted take-off-my-pants screeching voice. CYBERNETIC ORGASMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.. I meant organisms. You knew that.

This post is a small homage to the men that don’t exist in real life. The men that, on screen, have that certain YES YOU KNOW WHAT. The ones that always say the wrong things the right way with befuddling charm – AND THEN they go pick up a fucking guitar or banjo or drums or a tin fucking can and go STRUMMING MY PAIN WITH HIS FINGERS. FUCK.

I keep trying to calm down by drinking this beautiful iced drink but it’s like a triple espresso so more expletives to come

This is John Cho.

You know, the guy from Harold and Kumar. I didn’t think he was too good in that, but listen to this:

I, Soviet

That’s him. Isn’t that hot? Whooo.

And Joseph Gordon-Levitt (again, I know)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH BRILLIANT

Remember Shane West?

The guy who singlehandedly destroyed all our love-lives because we realize that whomever we were with, ain’t him? A Walk To Remember, with Mandy Moore? I cried 2.7 buckets of tears before the movie even finished. And then he- well, look.

Look here. It’s fucking IRON MAN!!!!! What a voice, eh?

I think that’s enough for today.
Thanks folks

Ps. My comics have died. I can’t take vacations and keep it up at the same time, I’m so sorry about my self-overestimation. I will tweet/facebook blast when it comes back up, along with some smalltime merch to buy

American Juniors – did you watch it? That super short-lived kid-version of American Idol? There was a 13 year old girl that I couldn’t help but follow, a 13 year old girl with a crazy voice that blew me out of the water. THIS 13 year old girl-

THAT 13 year old, went on to be in the effortlessly shitty movie SORORITY WARS – but she got to sing in it. Oh – and the OC.

Oh she was also in this Disney Channel thing with Selena Gomez, and now is part of one of those couples that people make TAYLORSWIFT BACKGROUNDMUSIC videos of, because Lucy Hale and this Disney Channel guy are actually dating in real life. Eat it, Selena Gomez. Or wait is she going out with Joe Jonas? FUCK ME CARING ABOUT THIS.

ANYWAY she’s in a bunch more stuff, but lookit, now she’s twenty and hot and having an affair with her HighSchool english teacher in a new show about CRAZYBITCH HIGSCHOOL GIRLS / MURDER AND INTRIGUE EXCLAMATIONMARK – life is great.

From the producers of Gossip Girl – I should’a known, right?

So I just watched that, and I love it, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I ought not to be such an escapist.

In a tiny-bit related vein, I also really loved this other 13 year old girl from American Juniors – Katelyn Tarver

And here she is now! Not as big a sensation as Lucy Hale’s turning out to be, but still amazing.

OHHHKAY!! Give me my life back.

postscript warning – if you’re going to watch AMERICAN JUNIORS, don’t. Because the stage moms/dads in that show gave me fcking nightmares.
postscript warning two – if you’re going to watch Pretty Little Liars, dont. Or if you must, then do it, and call me up so we can chat about when you cringed and why you won’t stop watching it.

on that vein – how bout the season finale of Glee?